From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
