Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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