I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
