I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
