I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
