wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
