just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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