so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
