hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
