we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
