And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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