I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What a dumb baby whore.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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