3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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