Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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