News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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