Having a random hookup so left but love u
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
