So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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