I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
