sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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