I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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