I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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