I think my fart just growled at me.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
