she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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