I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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