okay pat passed out under dana's car
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
