My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
