Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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