Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I will be naked everywhere
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
