He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
