Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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