i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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