My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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