SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
