as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
