Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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