Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
