ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
