this boner is exhausting
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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