I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
