I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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