Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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