Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
PANTIES FOUND
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
