Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
