I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
