Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
