You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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