I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
