i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
