Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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