I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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