but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
