you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
